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Thread: Jokes

  1. #1
    Ascendant Hanlo's Avatar
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    Default Jokes

    Here you go Bella!

    What did the traffic light say to the car?
    Don't look, I'm changing!

    ----------------

    Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!"

    "Are you sure?" asks the second atom.

    To which the first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"

    ----------------

    What do clouds wear under their shorts?
    THUNDERPANTS

    --------------

    What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
    Dam.

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    What did the mother Buffalo say when her boy left for college?
    BYE-SON!

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    What do you do when you see a spaceman?
    PARK YOUR CAR, MAN

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    What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked into his office?
    I can clearly see you're nuts!

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    Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
    IT WAS IN TENTS

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    What does a vegan zombie eat?
    Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!

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    What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?
    HE GOT A LITTLE BEHIND IN HIS WORK

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    A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way.

    --------

    A baby seal walks into a club...
    --------

    What did one snowman say to the other?

    Do you smell carrots?

    --------
    Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
    Fo' drizzle.
    Last edited by Hanlo; 06-17-2010 at 08:33 AM.

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  2. #2
    Champion Bellatrix's Avatar
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    Thank you very much, Hanlo

    “They say you are to be the greatest hero in a past I’ll never know. Learn this, and it shall be so:
    Let the only fear you ever know be the fear you inspire in your foes.
    If you can do that in your heart, glory will follow you.”

  3. #3
    Ascendant Elladar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TemetNosce View Post
    Ah, jokes. A traditional thread, let me see if I can dig one up... Here's an old classic.

    I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist? He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.
    Oh sh!t.. This is freaking good!

    Here are few..
    -----
    Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
    A: Pumpkin Pi!
    -----
    Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
    A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!
    -----
    Q: What is 2k + k?
    A: 3000!
    -----
    Q: How does one insult a mathematician?
    A: You say: "Your brain is smaller than any >0!"
    -----
    Q: What is the most erotic number?
    A: 2110593!
    Q: Why?
    A: When 2 are 1 and don't pay at10tion, they'll know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9 months, they'll be 3...
    -----
    "What is Pi?"
    A mathematician: "Pi is the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter."
    A computer programmer: "Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision."
    A physicist: "Pi is 3.14159 plus or minus 0.000005."
    An engineer: "Pi is about 22/7."
    A nutritionist: "Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!"
    -----
    "Divide fourteen sugar cubes into three cups of coffee so that each cup has an odd number of sugar cubes in it."
    "That's easy: one, one, and twelve."
    "But twelve isn't odd!"
    "It's an odd number of cubes to put in a cup of coffee..."
    Last edited by Elladar; 06-17-2010 at 09:05 AM.
    I don't need to "Get a life."! I'm a Gamer! I have loads of Lifes! - - - Necromancy - happiness is an army of unstoppable, loyal, killing machines.

  4. #4
    Ascendant Elladar's Avatar
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    Hehe Here comes a "Big" one...

    A graduate student of mathematics who used to come to the university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle.
    "Where did you get the bike from?" his friends want to know.
    "It's a `thank you' present", he explains, "from that freshman girl I've been tutoring. But the story is kind of weird..."
    "Tell us!"
    "Well", he starts, "yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that she had passed her math final and that she wanted to drop by to thank me in person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her bicycle. But when I had let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes off, lay down on my bed, smiled at me, and said: `You can get from me whatever you desire!'"
    One of his friends remarks: "You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle."
    "Yeah", another friend adds, "just imagine how silly you would have looked in a girl's clothes - and they wouldn't have fit you anyway!"
    I don't need to "Get a life."! I'm a Gamer! I have loads of Lifes! - - - Necromancy - happiness is an army of unstoppable, loyal, killing machines.

  5. #5
    Ascendant Hanlo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elladar View Post
    Hehe Here comes a "Big" one...

    A graduate student of mathematics who used to come to the university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle.
    "Where did you get the bike from?" his friends want to know.
    "It's a `thank you' present", he explains, "from that freshman girl I've been tutoring. But the story is kind of weird..."
    "Tell us!"
    "Well", he starts, "yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that she had passed her math final and that she wanted to drop by to thank me in person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her bicycle. But when I had let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes off, lay down on my bed, smiled at me, and said: `You can get from me whatever you desire!'"
    One of his friends remarks: "You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle."
    "Yeah", another friend adds, "just imagine how silly you would have looked in a girl's clothes - and they wouldn't have fit you anyway!"
    lol


    and let's keep the religious jokes out of here, please.

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  6. #6
    Ascendant Elladar's Avatar
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    Another Big one: [Love this one...]

    A group of mathematicians and a group of engineers are traveling together by train to attend a conference on mathematical methods in engineering. Each engineer has a ticket whereas only one of the mathematicians has one. Of course, the engineers laugh at the unworldly mathematicians and look forward to the moment the conductor shows up.
    Suddenly one of the mathematicians shouts: "Conductor coming!"
    All the mathematicians disappear into one washroom.
    The conductor checks the ticket of each engineer and then knocks at the washroom door: "Your ticket, please."
    The mathematicians stick the one ticket they have under the door, the conductor checks it and leaves. A few minutes later, when it is safe, the mathematicians come out of the washroom. The engineers are impressed.
    When the conference has come to an end, the engineers decide that they are at least as smart as the mathematicians and also buy just one ticket for the whole group. This time the mathematicians have no ticket at all...
    Again one of the mathematicians shouts: "Conductor coming!".
    All the engineers rush off to one washroom. One of the mathematicians goes to that washroom, knocks at the door, and says: "Your ticket, please..."
    I don't need to "Get a life."! I'm a Gamer! I have loads of Lifes! - - - Necromancy - happiness is an army of unstoppable, loyal, killing machines.

  7. #7
    Ascendant Slyde's Avatar
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    Blonde Joke:

    On a plane bound for Toronto, a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to an empty seat in first class. The flight attendant notices her do this, and asks to see her ticket.

    She then tells the blonde that her ticket is for economy, and she must return to her original seat.

    The blonde refuses, saying "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto, and I'm staying right here."

    The flight attendant then goes to the cockpit and tells the pilot about the blonde who refuses to obey her orders.

    The co-pilot says, "I'll handle this" and goes to the blonde and explains that she must return to her seat in economy class.

    Again, the blonde refuses, saying "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto, and I'm staying right here."

    The co-pilot tells the pilot this, and suggests they have the police waiting when the plane lands.

    The pilot says "you said she is a blonde, right? I'll handle this. My wife is a blonde and I speak 'blonde'".

    So, he goes back to the blonde and whispers something in her ear. Immediately she says "Oh, I'm sorry", and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy class.

    The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed, and ask the pilot what he said to make her move without making a fuss.

    He replied, "I just told her that first class isn't going to Toronto"

    ;)
    Dual Targeting - The Targeting System of the Modern MMO

    If the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy was made by today's MMO designers, the first 8 hours would be condensed into 30 minutes, and the last hour would be stretched out over 8.5 hours. It would be all about 'The Ending' and not about 'The Journey'.

  8. #8
    Ascendant Elladar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slyde View Post
    He replied, "I just told her that first class isn't going to Toronto"

    ;)
    LOOOL this will keep me smiling for at least 30 minutes! ;)

    Another Mathematician joke:

    Two men are sitting in the basket of a balloon. For hours, they have been drifting through a thick layer of clouds, and they have lost orientation completely. Suddenly, the clouds part, and the two men see the top of a mountain with a man standing on it.
    "Hey! Can you tell us where we are?!"
    The man doesn't reply. The minutes pass as the balloon drifts past the mountain. When the balloon is about to be swallowed again by the clouds, the man on the mountain shouts: "You're in a balloon!"
    "That must have been a mathematician."
    "Why?"
    "He thought long and thoroughly about what to say. What he eventually said was irrefutably correct. And it was of no use whatsoever..."
    I don't need to "Get a life."! I'm a Gamer! I have loads of Lifes! - - - Necromancy - happiness is an army of unstoppable, loyal, killing machines.

  9. #9
    Telaran Pazu's Avatar
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    Werner Heisenberg is speeding down a stretch of road when he is pulled over by a policeman.

    The policeman approaches Heisenberg's car and asks, "Do you have ANY idea how fast you were going?"

    To which Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know exactly where I was!"

  10. #10
    Ascendant Elladar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TemetNosce View Post
    The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he
    thinks I'm God!"
    Gahahaha... I love this one as well! ;) Gona tell my dad, once he gets home!
    I don't need to "Get a life."! I'm a Gamer! I have loads of Lifes! - - - Necromancy - happiness is an army of unstoppable, loyal, killing machines.

  11. #11
    Ascendant Slyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hanlo View Post
    It wasn't at all polite. It does become my business, as it does with anyone else who is religious, when the church bashing starts to occur. This is a public forum about an upcoming game, not a place to tout your personal views on politics, religion, or otherwise. No amount of me putting you on ignore will stop you from potentially offending people reading the thread, and that is why I asked nicely at first.
    I know plenty of funny religious jokes, but I have to agree with Hanlo here.

    And here's a quote from Abigale in the thread stickied in the Off Topic forum:

    "We all have opinions on things like religion, politics, etc. There are plenty of websites out there where you can have those kinds of discussions. That’s not the purpose of these forums. We do not want threads turning into flame wars. If we see that happening, those threads will be locked or removed."
    Dual Targeting - The Targeting System of the Modern MMO

    If the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy was made by today's MMO designers, the first 8 hours would be condensed into 30 minutes, and the last hour would be stretched out over 8.5 hours. It would be all about 'The Ending' and not about 'The Journey'.

  12. #12
    Ascendant Elladar's Avatar
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    Hmm this is getting intense... Let me lighten up the mood...

    A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
    Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."
    So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
    The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"


    Enother one:

    How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

    Scroll Down. --->






































    <----- Scroll Up.
    Last edited by Elladar; 06-17-2010 at 10:21 AM.
    I don't need to "Get a life."! I'm a Gamer! I have loads of Lifes! - - - Necromancy - happiness is an army of unstoppable, loyal, killing machines.

  13. #13
    Trion Worlds jives's Avatar
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    Cool

    Hey All! Lets keep in mind no Religious or Political jokes, please! We know some are funny to some people it's offensive and rude. So lets stick with the fun nice ones!

    I've got one

    A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender turns around and says "We don't serve your kind here" The mushroom replies "But I'm a fun-gi"


    That ones my favorite one every and to be honest the only one I can remember

    Enjoy this thread it's fun!

  14. #14
    Shield of Telara Martie's Avatar
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    @Elladar: I can see both "Scroll down" and "Scroll up" on the same screen.

    I think you should be able to joke about anything, and don't take a joke so serious. If you can't handle a joke then maybe you shouldn't be reading this thread.
    Joking about blondes, policemens, animals etc are all fine, apparantly, but when it comes to religion or racial jokes, it suddenly becomes serious business. Dunno why.. It just empowers the "we vs them" matter. Black vs white. It's just the same. The ppl getting mad about actually just make it worse, imo.

    I'd tell a joke, but I don't know any jokes in english really. I know one about Stevie Wonder, but guess I'd get slapped around with a large trout if I told it.

  15. #15
    Rift Chaser Raevin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jives View Post
    A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender turns around and says "We don't serve your kind here" The mushroom replies "But I'm a fun-gi"


    That ones my favorite one every and to be honest the only one I can remember

    Enjoy this thread it's fun!
    I almost posted that one!

    So here's another one that's nearly as silly:

    Q - What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
    A - Hey! Where's my tractor?

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