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Thread: I Hate Cats

  1. #31
    Soulwalker Gabartra's Avatar
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    Last edited by Gabartra; 02-08-2011 at 11:38 AM.
    How did this get here?


  2. #32
    Plane Touched
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    That made me laugh. Thanks.

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    Rift Chaser Balaalyu's Avatar
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    Rift Disciple Aranagon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Laughter View Post
    My husband is highly allergic he like swells up and all kinds of crazy stuff so we can't have any =(
    As we probably have some younger viewers, I won't respond to this, but ...

    We are talking about cats right ?

    I don't normally use innuendo, but occasionally it's nice to stick some in.

  5. #35
    Champion Blackthorn's Avatar
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    +1 dogs.10char


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHdXG2gV01k

    Funny Stuff

  6. #36
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    I love cats… but I still laughed my *** off at your post.

    Cats can be a bit more picky than dogs. If you're an owner, it's unlikely that they hate you… but there's a substantially higher chance than with a dog that they stick around purely to exploit you as a reliable source of food, warmth and a place to kip each night. If you ask me, that's anything but stupid. I'm a fan but I'm not silly enough to think they don't have their conniving ulterior motives at times, but that doesn't mean they can't be good companions.


    Now dogs on the other hand… people attribute WAY too many positive traits to dogs. "Dogs do this", "dogs do that", "dogs go for walks", "dogs play with toys", "dogs are so intelligent", "dogs are so loyal", blah blah blah.


    Rubbish.

    Dogs only do one thing: Be enthusiastic.

    And they do this 24/7. About everything. Everything. In the world. Ever.


    You know it. You've seen it. You've sure as hell heard it. Something -- anything -- sets them off and they go crazy: barking, panting, mouth hanging open, tongue out, probably drooling a bit, tail wagging at 594bpm, running around the house. Same reaction every time.


    Food? OOOHHHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOY FOOD!! MY FAVORITE!

    Walkies? OOOHHHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOY WALKIES!! MY FAVORITE!

    Fetching sticks? OOOHHHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOY STICKS!! MY FAVORITE!

    Doorbell? OOOHHHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOY DOORBELL!! MY FAVORITE!

    Gnawing on rocks? OOOHHHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOY ROCKS!! MY FAVORITE!

    Owner coming home from work? OOOHHHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOY COMING HOME FROM WORK!! MY FAVORITE!


    See. It's not loyalty. It's not some deep love and appreciation of your presence and an outpouring of pure adoration when you walk in the door each evening. Oh no. You rank right up there with doorbells and rocks. It's not loyalty. It's stimulus. Any ****ing stimulus will do. A bird in the garden; the postman; next door neighbors opening their front door. Anything. The slightest excuse to go full-on batsh** crazy, bark till your ears ring, and run around the house like a lunatic: they'll take it.


    Speaking of that enthusiasm, why does it have to be so damn loud? Why do dogs have to bark at the slightest thing? (And why are the smallest dogs the yappiest?) God forbid you want to get a little peace and quiet, because the slightest noise coming from the garden and your dog has his nose pinned against the window, screaming his lungs out at the glass.


    And while we're on the subject of sensory overload: dogs smell. Holy **** do they ever smell. I mean they seriously reek. Cat litter isn't even comparable: that's the litter and the s***, and it's your fault for taking an outdoor animal and forcing it to live inside. You'd get the same smell if you got a litter tray for your dog, except… oh no, wait! You can't! Because your dog's too ****ing stupid to figure out how to s*** in a box. Instead you have to get up a 5am every day and walk around aimlessly in the cold and pouring rain until your dog gets over his OOOHHHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOY OUTSIDE!! MY FAVORITE! enough to remember that the entire purpose of this miserable exercise was for him to take a dump.

    But I digress…

    It's not the smell of the cat. Unless someone has like 12 cats, you can't smell them in the house. You could be there for 2 days and suddenly a cat will appear out of nowhere and you'll say, "Oh! I didn't know you had a cat." That'll never happen with a dog. With a dog, you know the instant you walk in that door that a dog lives in this house -- that musty, wet, doggy smell. That's unless you got a ride in the owner's car, in which case you already know because the car stinks. Hell, there's a good chance the owner's jacket and clothing pongs of dog too, if you got too close. And it's not something you can get rid of by cleaning a litter tray.

    For those dog owners who believe that doesn't apply to them because their dog is small / short-haired / gets bathed frequently / gets its coat clipped regularly… … Newsflash: Your dog smells. And so does your house.


    And the other benefits of having a cat over a dog:

    - Cats will allow you to get through an entire meal without sitting next to your chair whining incessantly, putting their face on your lap and looking up at you with big, sad eyes.

    - Cats may occasionally eat a fly or a bit of fluff, but that's about it. Dogs will eat anything. Food in plastic wrappers, shoelaces, sticks, bits of cardboard, rocks. They'll eat rocks. There's something not right about that.

    - Cats may occasionally bring a bird or mouse home. They won't eat it; it's a gift. How often has your dog brought you a present?

    - Cat's aren't permanently wet on the underside. (Seriously, can anyone explain this to me about dogs? Do they just need to learn how to use straws?)

    - Cats can s*** unsupervised.

    - Cats will also find a quiet spot to perform said poop, and do it in the dirt and carefully bury it afterwards … not leave it in a huge steaming pile on the sidewalk for you to grope with your hand through a plastic bag or for some other poor schmuck to step in.

    - Cats can take care of themselves and don't need constant maintenance for walking, pooping, playing, etc. Hell, (outdoor) cats will even feed themselves if you forget. Dogs won't make it more than 24 hours without help. Being a dog owner is like being a 24hr caregiver.

    - Cats can and will find their way home every night, wherever you last saw them. (Or every night they feel like it, anyway.) Dog owners have that constant fear of "OMG SOMEONE LEFT THE FRONT DOOR OPEN" and hearing the screech of tires followed by a dull thud.

    - Cat owners don't have to make that old assurance of, "Oh it's ok, he doesn't bite, he's just a big softy really," while their pet molests any and all visitors.

    - Cats respect the concept of personal space and won't ram their faces into your friends' crotches.


    Ergo, cats are clearly superior. Cats are the cool, aloof, sexy, mysterious type that are the anti-heroes in movies. Dogs are like your happy but mildly re*****d cousin Floyd who you only see every other Thanksgiving and from whom you try to ignore phonecalls the other 364 days of the year.

    All this is founded on years of research and careful observation, of course. Although I may be slightly biased. Maybe...
    Last edited by Flim; 02-08-2011 at 01:16 PM.

  7. #37
    Pia
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    Default I had cats when i was growing up --

    I loved them all, especially when they were kittens -- but not so much when they grew up... now i'm totally enamoured with the canine species - and now I get all red in face, eyes water, sneezy, puffy lookin' when i even get close to a cat.... so I guess it's safe to say I don't enjoy them anymore...

    but this makes me laugh....

    http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphot..._2035866_n.jpg
    ..when the mind mirrors chaos, bits 'n pieces, large 'n small,
    strewn across the universe, reflecting nothing at all!!

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  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Balaalyu View Post
    My friend had 2 cats that would bother him every weekend morning when he tried to sleep in. He tried closing the door. So the cats just pawed the door and meowed outside, still waking him up.

    One weekend he had enough. He set the vacuum cleaner in the hallway about a 2 feet out from the door. He put the cord under the door with the end near his bed.

    Next morning when the cats started yammering outside his bedroom door he reached over and plugged the vacuum in. He said he heard 2 distinct thuds as both cats jumped head first into the closed door.

    I guess it took him a week to get them to come back into his bedroom.

  10. #40
    RIFT Community Ambassador the_real_seebs's Avatar
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    Cool trivia point: The reason cats love people who hate cats is that primates, especially humans, narrow their eyes when they are disgusted or angry. Cats narrow their eyes when they are friendly and happy.

    So every time you see the cat, you tell it, loud and clear, that you love kitties and are glad to see it.

  11. #41
    Plane Walker Grymmoire's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Homebrew View Post
    ...... It has a tooth infection it's about to get treated for (more money) and its breath smells like a dead prostitute.

    **** you, cat.
    And you would know what a dead prostitute smells like how?????
    "You're simply jealous since the voices speak only to me."

  12. #42
    Plane Walker Grymmoire's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by badlandskid View Post
    AHAHAHAHAHA... That is one funny post OP!


    You did however forget about the part where they walk in their litterbox and then lick their feet, then the rest of their shedding pelt. To top it off they want to come rub it on you... gross.
    However, many that find that repulsive are the same ones that think nothing of letting a dog lick their faces or give kisses to their dog right after it has finished cleaning it's privates and arse areas with that same tongue!!!
    "You're simply jealous since the voices speak only to me."

  13. #43
    Plane Touched
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grymmoire View Post
    And you would know what a dead prostitute smells like how?????
    Isn't that fairly obvious? I smelled one.

  14. #44
    Rift Chaser Fabian's Avatar
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  15. #45
    Plane Touched
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    Fabian: I'm well aware of this fact. I've stated it several times throughout this thread.

    Good news. They hate you too.

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