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Thread: I Hate Cats

  1. #16
    Rift Chaser Wyrath's Avatar
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    I lived with a guy and girl when I was in Australia last year. The girl, henceforth known as the hag, had two white cats akin to this one:

    http://catdetails.files.wordpress.co...agdoll-cat.jpg

    Now, over six months after coming home, the hair of the hag's pets/pests are still on several of my most expensive shirts.

    U MAD? YES!

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  2. #17
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    No doubt Hoser. My girlfriend's cat is higher maintenance than a dog though.

    I pray every day before I got to bed that if there is a god he will make me allergic to cats so I can hate them without needing to explain myself to every crybaby that gushes over those domesticated nightmares.

    Coincidentally, the cat has been meowing at my face for the last fifteen minutes. It has a tooth infection it's about to get treated for (more money) and its breath smells like a dead prostitute.

    **** you, cat.

  3. #18
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    A Dog is a pet.. a Cat is a companion..

    Dogs blindly follow you.. Cats you must earn their love.. You get out of a relationship what you put into it :P
    "Power is neccessary because conflict will never dissappear"

  4. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by LordOberon View Post
    A Dog is a pet.. a Cat is a companion..

    Dogs blindly follow you.. Cats you must earn their love.. You get out of a relationship what you put into it :P
    More accurately:

    A dog is a companion.

    You are the cat's pet.

    Dogs are loyal. Cats don't even like you. I put more effort into my relationships with people.

  5. #20
    Ruka's Avatar
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    I have two cats.

    One of them is stinky and over-friendly, and won't let you pet him unless he decides he would like to be petted. I don't know why I love him, but I do. Probably because he is zero trouble.

    The other waits at the door when I get home. He (usually) comes and cuddles when I am feeling bad, and (sometimes) leaves me alone when I want to be left alone. He plays fetch with a battered plastic helicopter that is his favorite toy, or with various hair ties that have been scattered around the house - mostly under the couch.

    He bites, but he'll warn you by showing his teeth first, has to have haircuts three or four times a year, and is so hyper that when I got him as a kitten I didn't see him sleep for three months straight. When he's feeling feisty, he beats up the other cat.

    I'd like to have a dog for more dependable cuddles, but my husband has drawn a line in the sand.

  6. #21
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    I'll never understand how someone can hate cats, You sir, are an enigma. My bet is on some unresolved trauma involving cats. Probably the same one mentioned in your post. It's cool though. Everyone has one problem like that. Sometimes more than one. But one day, you'll come to adore cats like everyone else. Especially if you and your girlfriend are serious.

  7. #22
    Rift Disciple Serradyne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Homebrew View Post
    Holy ****.

    I hate them with a passion so fierce I'm typing this entire post with my face.

    I love my girlfriend. I hate her cat. Every day I lock eyes with this cat and telepathically warn it that one day I'll get it. I don't know how, or what I'll do, but I'll find a way. I just wish it was smart enough, because I'd keep a loaded gun in an unlocked nightstand, or an entire bottle of Drano with the lid off under the sink.

    But cats are too stupid to kill by being irresponsible. They'll just ram their stupid faces into your leg until you pet them or find the courage to murder them.

    Now granted, before you go calling animal control or the police, know that it's not in my nature to physically harm an animal. Which just infuriates me even more. If an animal has ever deserved a punch in the face it's this stupid ****ing cat.

    It meows incessantly, sometimes for attention, other times because it wants to be pet or just to utilize the power of it's raspy, whining voice to make my blood boil. It also keeps us up at night. Sometimes it crawls - seriously - directly onto my girlfriends chest and meows an inch from her face.

    My girlfriend does not do well when she doesn't get her sleep. As a gamer I can survive on caffeine and lonliness for 24 hours before I so much as sneeze. She gets queasy, cranky, and fatigued for the rest of the day. The cat is effectively hurting my girlfriend. And you know what happens when you hurt my girlfriend? You get the crap beaten out of you. Unless you're a cat. Because cats are invincible. I can't hurt them because I can't hurt an animal. I can't torture it psychologically because then it just becomes more annoying. It can't go and die because my girlfriend would be sad. I can't accidentally leave the door open because it's too stupid to run for freedom.

    Also. It has diabetes.

    The cat has ****ing diabetes.

    It's an expensive animal. It takes insulin shots twice a day and has special food.

    But you know what? It's cool. Because I can see why someone likes cats. You can take them to cat parks and enjoy their company on long hikes. They hang out with you on the couch and if you're not in the mood to pet them, you let them know. They pounce on you when you come home and beg for a walk. An intruder breaks into your house and they're like "Nah. You should leave. I can wake up the house or I can just bite you. Your call." They play with toys, poop outside, chew on bones with insurmountable glee, get sympathetic when you're sick, cuddle when you're cold, and all around just kick ***.

    Wait. That's dogs. I'm talking about dogs.

    Cats don't do ****. They suck. They're stupid and if they're not stupid they just don't like you. You think they like you because you're a cat owner and cat owners attribute a whole mess of positive attributes to their cats that don't exist. You tell coworkers stories about your cat. No one cares. No one wants to hear about your ****ing cat.

    Do some research. Go online and check out why cats behave the way they do. It's not for the reasons you think, cat lovers.

    They hate you.

    And for you ladies out there that are single: men aren't afraid to commit to you. We're not concerned about marriage and loyalty and being faithful. The ring is an expense we've already considered early in our lives. No. It's your god damn cat. Your whining, idiotic, ball of hate that we fear. We despise. We loathe.

    And when a guy says "I love cats" or shows an extra special amount of attention to your cat? Think of a synonym for cats and consider our motivation and you've figured out what we're really after.

    I hate cats.
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    I wish I had a comprehension gun.

  8. #23
    Rift Disciple bleukreuz's Avatar
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    I don't hate cats but I'm allergic to them. They make my eyes water, my throat sore and make me sneeze a lot and thus makes my nose runny...

    I have a grandma which is crazy about cats. Her house is like a cat refugee camp. She never turn away anyone who gives her cats (Cats is abundance in my country) Now she has a **** load of cats, like 100s or so... her house now stinks, there's land mines (read: poop and piss) everywhere. That's why I don't go to my gran's much.

    Anyway here's some fun stuff about cats:
    How to tell if you cat is trying to kill you
    Detective Mittens the Crime Solving Cat
    Single White Feline
    Last edited by bleukreuz; 02-08-2011 at 08:14 AM.

  9. #24
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    Last edited by Homebrew; 02-08-2011 at 08:30 AM.

  10. #25
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    AHAHAHAHAHA... That is one funny post OP!


    You did however forget about the part where they walk in their litterbox and then lick their feet, then the rest of their shedding pelt. To top it off they want to come rub it on you... gross.

  11. #26
    Rift Disciple Daenu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Homebrew View Post
    It has a tooth infection it's about to get treated for (more money) and its breath smells like a dead prostitute.

    **** you, cat.
    Holy ****, you couldn't be more right. One of my cats is older, about 9 years old, and she had to go in for a teeth cleaning. All in all, by the time I was done, it cost about $350.....for a damn teeth cleaning. It almost made me wish that I was one of those piece of crap pet owners that only takes their animals to the vet when they have a leg falling off or something. As it is, I already spend more of cat food, dog food and flea/tick/heartworm prevention in a month than I do for my own food.

    I can see how some people have problems with cats. My dad is one of those that HATE cats. Growing up, I was the bane of his existence. I'd go out on weekends and look for stray animals to bring home, and I was ALWAYS successful. :P And being a cat person when I was growing up, I usually found animals of the feline persuasion. I guess it gave him extra incentive to help me find them homes. But just like anything else, cats aren't for everyone.

    I do have to say that not every cat owners home smells like ****. I have three litter boxes and they all get scooped twice a day and then have the litter completely changed out twice a week. If someones house smells like animal, then they aren't taking care of their pets "business" well enough.

  12. #27
    Rift Disciple Daenu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bleukreuz View Post
    I don't hate cats but I'm allergic to them. They make my eyes water, my throat sore and make me sneeze a lot and thus makes my nose runny...

    I have a grandma which is crazy about cats. Her house is like a cat refugee camp. She never turn away anyone who gives her cats (Cats is abundance in my country) Now she has a **** load of cats, like 100s or so... her house now stinks, there's land mines (read: poop and piss) everywhere. That's why I don't go to my gran's much.

    Anyway here's some fun stuff about cats:
    How to tell if you cat is trying to kill you
    Detective Mittens the Crime Solving Cat
    Single White Feline
    That is really sad and it sounds like your grandma needs some help. Not only is that EXTREMELY unhealthy for her, but it is also unhealthy for the animals. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but she really needs some professional help. Animal hoarding is a real issue and can lead to some serious health problems due to the ammonia in the cat urine.

  13. #28
    Shadowlander Maero's Avatar
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    You sincerely love cats, you just don't know it yet

  14. #29
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    One of the worst films ever made by western civilization was scripted entirely in Esperanto. That's not a coincidence.

    Don't know what Esperanto is? That's not a coincidence either.

    William Shatner had the leading role. That's .... well, I think you get the idea.

  15. #30
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    "I'm not afraid of death. It's the stake one puts up in order to play the game of life."

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