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Thread: Funny thread, keep posting!

  1. #1
    Plane Touched under_DOG's Avatar
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    Default Funny thread, keep posting!

    TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
    MARIA: Here it is.
    TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
    CLASS: Maria.
    ____________________________________

    TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
    JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
    __________________________________________

    TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
    GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
    TEACHER: No, that's wrong
    GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
    (I Love this child) !
    ____________________________________________

    TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
    DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
    TEACHER: What are you talking about?
    DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
    __________________________________

    TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today

    that we didn't have ten years ago.
    WINNIE: Me!
    __________________________________________

    TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
    GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
    _______________________________________

    TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
    MILLIE: I is..
    TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
    MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
    ________________________________

    TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.

    Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
    LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand....
    ______________________________________

    TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
    SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
    ______________________________

    TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..

    Did you copy his?
    CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

    (I want to adopt this kid!!!)

    ___________________________________

    TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
    HAROLD: A teach
    Last edited by under_DOG; 11-16-2010 at 05:07 PM.

  2. #2
    Prophet of Telara Musufasa101's Avatar
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    TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.

    Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
    LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand....



    Just want to say thats my favorite, carry on..

    Edit: I will beat Elux to it and tell you that this is suppose to be off-topic, however I really dont care.
    Last edited by Musufasa101; 11-16-2010 at 05:13 PM.

  3. #3
    Rift Disciple Nerfed's Avatar
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    A couple takes their young son to the circus. When his father goes to buy popcorn, the boy asks, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"


    "That's the elephant’s trunk, dear," she replies.

    "No, Mom. Down underneath."

    His mother blushes and says, "Oh, that's nothing."

    The father returns and the mother goes off to get a soda. As soon as she leaves, the boy repeats his question.

    "That's the elephant’s trunk, son."

    "Dad, I know what an elephant's trunk is. The thing down there."

    The father says, "Oh, that's the elephant's *****."

    "Dad," the son asks, "how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"

    The man takes a deep breath and explains, "Well son, here's the truth. I've really spoiled that woman."

  4. #4
    Plane Touched under_DOG's Avatar
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    THE AMERICAN LITERACY SCENE IS ALIVE AND WELL ..
    NOT ONLY BORN STUPID, TRAINED TO PERFECTION!


    Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

    Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever
    --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
    "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
    --Mariah Carey

    "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
    -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
    "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
    --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry
    , Washington , DC .

    "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a *******, and I'm just the one to do it,"

    --A congressional candidate in Texas.

    "Half this game is ninety percent mental."
    Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

    "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.."
    Al Gore, Vice President

    "I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ."
    Dan Quayle

    "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
    Lee IaCocca

    "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

    --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

    "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
    Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
    "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

    --Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
    "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

    --Keppel Enderbery
    "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
    --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
    Last edited by under_DOG; 11-16-2010 at 05:38 PM.

  5. #5
    Prophet of Telara Musufasa101's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerfed View Post
    A couple takes their young son to the circus. When his father goes to buy popcorn, the boy asks, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"


    "That's the elephant’s trunk, dear," she replies.

    "No, Mom. Down underneath."

    His mother blushes and says, "Oh, that's nothing."

    The father returns and the mother goes off to get a soda. As soon as she leaves, the boy repeats his question.

    "That's the elephant’s trunk, son."

    "Dad, I know what an elephant's trunk is. The thing down there."

    The father says, "Oh, that's the elephant's *****."

    "Dad," the son asks, "how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"

    The man takes a deep breath and explains, "Well son, here's the truth. I've really spoiled that woman."
    You have read the joke section of my autobiography.

  6. #6
    Shield of Telara Smoopy's Avatar
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    I love how you come and troll my thread about item drops and then make a post in the off topic forum thats complete nonsense lol.

    posted by Boobilicious:
    Wasup with all these tedious questions on the forum lately? Stop fragmenting the forum cause it already fragmented with all the ****ty repeated questions.
    Last edited by Smoopy; 11-16-2010 at 05:36 PM.

  7. #7
    Plane Touched under_DOG's Avatar
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    Enjoy the laughter,Smoop.

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