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Thread: Girl trouble.

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    Default Girl trouble.

    Hello OT.

    I'm a new poster here, and been an avid reader for a few days now and I was wondering if you wonderful people could shed some light on a something that's happening to me in my life.

    Over the past few months me and this girl, let me call her Courtney, have become rather good friends. I hang out with her with our friends on the weekends, and during the week I play walleyball ( it's indoor volleyball and it's great) on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She recently got me a job at where she works and I'll be even spending more time with her.

    Sounds great I know, the thing is, my friend, let's call him Nick, has been dating her numerous months as well. Nick doesn't treat Courtney very well sometimes, and she let's me know about it. Nick is an immature person about the fact that I've been spending time with her. I don't hit on her, I don't make any comments directed toward her unless she says something to me. We're just good friends. Unfortunately I know that he has a big problem with me doing this because he rants and raves about it to another friend of mine, and he tells me what he says. Nick doesn't act like anything is wrong when we're together, but when I leave the room it seems that he really puts a target on the back of my head.

    I know he has been inviting our friends to hang out with him and he even once told them to specifically not to invite me.

    My friend and I talked for awhile yesterday (he being drunk helped him tell me what everything actually was said) about the situation and it really started to make me reflect about it. My buddy was telling me that he wants to stay neutral because he still wants Nick as a friend but inadvertently told me I should try to make a move.

    I do like Courtney, but I would never make a pass on her and ruin what I have with her, Nick (even though he despises me already) and our small group of friends. I don't want to be a guy to ruin a group of friends and steal someones girlfriend. Apparently it's evident that she has been taking a 'liking' into me by us playing sports and soon to be working together.

    Given my situation, I don't know what to do. I've talked to a few people about it and they just all say that Nick is acting immature and needs to chill out. Which I would totally love, but he is nothing like that. I've never been good with girls and I have a lot of problems finding some that I actually like, but every time I do extend my self to someone else, I would get turned down or just strung along, which equally sucks in the end.

    I often think I'm friend zoned with her, because she tends to open up about everything that has happened to her, what is currently happen to her, and sometimes stuff is it immense detail. Other times I catch her looking at me. I look back at her for a second and then continue doing whatever I'm doing (usually walleyball) or sometimes I make a face or something like anyone would do if they're caught in a situation like that. She sends me mixed signals all the time, and we have some decent conversation about random things.

    I've thought about this a lot and in my head it never ends for the better. If I choose Courtney, I lose a Nick and a potential group of friends a long with him. If I don't act on anything then I will lose the potential 'what could of happened'. I've been that guy for the most of my life, always seeing an opportunity and never going for it for reasons like this.

    I guess I could put somethings into perspective for everyone. I'm 19 and I go to a Community college, and will be going to it next year as well. I'll be transferring from there after the winter 2012 semester to pursue a University where i will (most likely anyways) be living on campus. I do already have a job, but it's only seasonal so I do need the job that Courtney set up for me.

    I just want to know anyone's take on this.

    Thanks in advanced,
    Sap


    Edit* Just for those who would read this and not read the rest of the thread, I'm not going to make a move. I don't want to ruin my friendship's and will talk to Nick when about how I don't want to ever ruin anything he has with Courtney.
    Last edited by Sap; 02-06-2011 at 08:19 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sap View Post
    Hello OT.

    I'm a new poster here, and been an avid reader for a few days now and I was wondering if you wonderful people could shed some light on a something that's happening to me in my life.

    Over the past few months me and this girl, let me call her Courtney, have become rather good friends. I hang out with her with our friends on the weekends, and during the week I play walleyball ( it's indoor volleyball and it's great) on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She recently got me a job at where she works and I'll be even spending more time with her.

    Sounds great I know, the thing is, my friend, let's call him Nick, has been dating her numerous months as well. Nick doesn't treat Courtney very well sometimes, and she let's me know about it. Nick is an immature person about the fact that I've been spending time with her. I don't hit on her, I don't make any comments directed toward her unless she says something to me. We're just good friends. Unfortunately I know that he has a big problem with me doing this because he rants and raves about it to another friend of mine, and he tells me what he says. Nick doesn't act like anything is wrong when we're together, but when I leave the room it seems that he really puts a target on the back of my head.

    I know he has been inviting our friends to hang out with him and he even once told them to specifically not to invite me.

    My friend and I talked for awhile yesterday (he being drunk helped him tell me what everything actually was said) about the situation and it really started to make me reflect about it. My buddy was telling me that he wants to stay neutral because he still wants Nick as a friend but inadvertently told me I should try to make a move.

    I do like Courtney, but I would never make a pass on her and ruin what I have with her, Nick (even though he despises me already) and our small group of friends. I don't want to be a guy to ruin a group of friends and steal someones girlfriend. Apparently it's evident that she has been taking a 'liking' into me by us playing sports and soon to be working together.

    Given my situation, I don't know what to do. I've talked to a few people about it and they just all say that Nick is acting immature and needs to chill out. Which I would totally love, but he is nothing like that. I've never been good with girls and I have a lot of problems finding some that I actually like, but every time I do extend my self to someone else, I would get turned down or just strung along, which equally sucks in the end.

    I often think I'm friend zoned with her, because she tends to open up about everything that has happened to her, what is currently happen to her, and sometimes stuff is it immense detail. Other times I catch her looking at me. I look back at her for a second and then continue doing whatever I'm doing (usually walleyball) or sometimes I make a face or something like anyone would do if they're caught in a situation like that. She sends me mixed signals all the time, and we have some decent conversation about random things.

    I've thought about this a lot and in my head it never ends for the better. If I choose Courtney, I lose a Nick and a potential group of friends a long with him. If I don't act on anything then I will lose the potential 'what could of happened'. I've been that guy for the most of my life, always seeing an opportunity and never going for it for reasons like this.

    I guess I could put somethings into perspective for everyone. I'm 19 and I go to a Community college, and will be going to it next year as well. I'll be transferring from there after the winter 2012 semester to pursue a University where i will (most likely anyways) be living on campus. I do already have a job, but it's only seasonal so I do need the job that Courtney set up for me.

    I just want to know anyone's take on this.

    Thanks in advanced,
    Sap
    Life is complex... if the girl seems super special to you go for it... romance > immature friends.... but you better make sure she is interested in you as well.

    But I mean ultimately you know better than anyone here what to do... you either feel she is worth the risk or she isn't.
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    Champion Seņor Kalivos's Avatar
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    You're going to be in the friend zone for a very long time.

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    On a side note if you are really good friends with courtney there is no reason you can't be open about it with her and discuss it like adults... let her know that you are interested but that if she isn't you are still there as a friend...
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    Quote Originally Posted by dinhosaur View Post
    Life is complex... if the girl seems super special to you go for it... romance > immature friends.... but you better make sure she is interested in you as well.

    But I mean ultimately you know better than anyone here what to do... you either feel she is worth the risk or she isn't.
    Quote Originally Posted by dinhosaur View Post
    On a side note if you are really good friends with courtney there is no reason you can't be open about it with her and discuss it like adults... let her know that you are interested but that if she isn't you are still there as a friend...
    I just don't trust my instincts any more. I know I got some time, probably till summer, when this decisioning is going to take place. I was thinking about being open, but I know she likes to talk, a lot. I don't want to open myself up and ruin everything that was built in last few months.

    Quote Originally Posted by Seņor Kalivos View Post
    You're going to be in the friend zone for a very long time.
    That what I'm afraid off. Why do you think that though? Because she's open to me?
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    Heh. It's not the OT until someone posts a girl trouble thread.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sap View Post
    I just don't trust my instincts any more. I know I got some time, probably till summer, when this decisioning is going to take place. I was thinking about being open, but I know she likes to talk, a lot. I don't want to open myself up and ruin everything that was built in last few months.



    That what I'm afraid off. Why do you think that though? Because she's open to me?
    Life is short man... if you guys were meant to be it will happen but you should cherish what little time you have on this earth and spend it with the people that mean the most to you.

    Aka if you really want something with her just be open and mature about it and let her decide.
    Last edited by dinhosaur; 02-06-2011 at 05:17 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by dinhosaur View Post
    Life is short man... if you guys were meant to be it will happen but you should cherish what little time you have on this earth and spend it with the people that mean the most to you.

    Aka if you really want something with her just be open and mature about it and let her decide.
    Overall I think it will come down to this, and I hope everything would be peachy. Right now, I don't think it's the right time to open up to her. I just want everything to be alright, ya know?

    Quote Originally Posted by Archellion View Post
    Heh. It's not the OT until someone posts a girl trouble thread.
    Hah.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sap View Post
    Overall I think it will come down to this, and I hope everything would be peachy. Right now, I don't think it's the right time to open up to her. I just want everything to be alright, ya know?



    Hah.
    Ya man as I said you will know better than us... maybe given enough time things between her and her current bf will end anyway if he is really as crappy to her as you say.
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    Ok son, listen and listen good....

    MEN AND WOMEN CAN NOT< REPEAT< NOT BE FRIENDS. THE SEX THING ALWAYS GETS IN THE WAY. So if you feel that shes your friend your lying.

    And if you think im wrong take this test, in your mind whatever......Imagine your "friend" to be buck *** naked on the bed, spread eagle, telling you to "do" her.....Would you? If your anytype of a man, you would. So that throws out the friends bul l****...

    As for the other guy? I m with him...Guys should not be hanging with my girlfriend. And if they are its because they want ONE THING OFF HER.....

    Any guy that allows his woman to hang with guys is a moron, because again, the guys only want one thing..../shrug

    And as far as chicks go, THEY WILL NEVER AGREE MEN AND WOMEN CANT BE FRIENDS. They cant see the truth for what it is, that their "friend" wants to bang them. So asking a chick about this results in nothing but skewed logic...

    Find your own gf and leave them alone.....

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nightfall View Post
    Ok son, listen and listen good....

    MEN AND WOMEN CAN NOT< REPEAT< NOT BE FRIENDS. THE SEX THING ALWAYS GETS IN THE WAY. So if you feel that shes your friend your lying.

    And if you think im wrong take this test, in your mind whatever......Imagine your "friend" to be buck *** naked on the bed, spread eagle, telling you to "do" her.....Would you? If your anytype of a man, you would. So that throws out the friends bul l****...

    As for the other guy? I m with him...Guys should not be hanging with my girlfriend. And if they are its because they want ONE THING OFF HER.....

    Any guy that allows his woman to hang with guys is a moron, because again, the guys only want one thing..../shrug

    And as far as chicks go, THEY WILL NEVER AGREE MEN AND WOMEN CANT BE FRIENDS. They cant see the truth for what it is, that their "friend" wants to bang them. So asking a chick about this results in nothing but skewed logic...

    Find your own gf and leave them alone.....
    This. I couldn't make a better post.

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    There is an old adage that applies perfectly to this situation... I'm sure you have heard it...


    Bros before hoes


    Not meant as a reference to your friend, nor any other female, and actually being a ho - but it's not worth losing a friend over it. If they aren't meant to be, then they will fall apart on their own, without your ruining friendships to help. If that happens, then it could be appropriate, but until then she is off limits.
    "You did me no wrong calling me a raven, or thinking me one, you allowed me existence which is the sum of what one can demand of his fellow beings." -- Mr. Raven "Lilith" by George MacDonald

    Thulmann - Rogue - Ascension

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    Quote Originally Posted by dinhosaur View Post
    Ya man as I said you will know better than us... maybe given enough time things between her and her current bf will end anyway if he is really as crappy to her as you say.
    I don' t know about that, she seems to take some harsh stuff, I guess I'll wait it out.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightfall View Post
    Ok son, listen and listen good....

    MEN AND WOMEN CAN NOT< REPEAT< NOT BE FRIENDS. THE SEX THING ALWAYS GETS IN THE WAY. So if you feel that shes your friend your lying.

    And if you think im wrong take this test, in your mind whatever......Imagine your "friend" to be buck *** naked on the bed, spread eagle, telling you to "do" her.....Would you? If your anytype of a man, you would. So that throws out the friends bul l****...

    As for the other guy? I m with him...Guys should not be hanging with my girlfriend. And if they are its because they want ONE THING OFF HER.....

    Any guy that allows his woman to hang with guys is a moron, because again, the guys only want one thing..../shrug

    And as far as chicks go, THEY WILL NEVER AGREE MEN AND WOMEN CANT BE FRIENDS. They cant see the truth for what it is, that their "friend" wants to bang them. So asking a chick about this results in nothing but skewed logic...

    Find your own gf and leave them alone.....
    I honestly thought about discontinuing everything, like 'finding my own gf and leave them alone'.

    I just can't not go to work, after she got me the job. She invited me to go play walleyball with her, and I mostly just go with her brother now because her work schedule is getting in the way of when we actually go.

    To drop everything and start anew, I tried that. I didn't talk to her for a week, keep in mind I would be with her and her BF at least 3 times that week, and STILL he had a problem with it. Like, not showing any attention is as worst as talking to her the very little I did at the time.

    How would you propose that I could just totally avoid her? The walleyball is not necessary and I could drop that; even though I don't want too. She is actually going to be the one training me on my first day of work.

    I totally understand where you're coming from though, it's not my place and I shouldn't be hanging out with her. But why is it on me? Why should it be my fault that she tries to contact me to do stuff, why should all burden fall right onto my lap when in all reality, I'm not the one starting it?

    The job: I need money, I'm a poor as college student and this job does pay more then my seasonal work I do in the summer (better hours as well).

    As much as I do not to have anything with her, I just can't.
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    I don't wanna wait... for our lives to be over....
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thulmann View Post
    There is an old adage that applies perfectly to this situation... I'm sure you have heard it...


    Bros before hoes


    Not meant as a reference to your friend, nor any other female, and actually being a ho - but it's not worth losing a friend over it. If they aren't meant to be, then they will fall apart on their own, without your ruining friendships to help. If that happens, then it could be appropriate, but until then she is off limits.
    Fair enough, I just can't drop all connection to her now though. I feel like I'm in over my head.
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