+ Reply to Thread
Page 4 of 7 FirstFirst 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 LastLast
Results 46 to 60 of 91

Thread: Girl trouble.

  1. #46
    Soulwalker
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    5

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ace View Post
    OP... Stop being such a wuss.

    Your boy Nick has some confidence issues and your the target. If your afraid he can beat you up then buy some pepper spray. Just remember to shoot it with the wind instead of against and that in case of accident raw liquid dish detergent (ie without water) applied to the area affected will break it down and remove it from skin. Just let it set a minute.

    Immature little Nick needs somebody to grow him up. F' him.

    These "friends" are people you'll not see again in a few years. You got to pick the people you want as part of your long term life. Do you want to be sitting there when you're 80 about to die and wondering what would have happened if you went out with her. Cause it sure sounds like you dig this chick.

    If she is into that other boy she'll tell you no at the right point (no harm nor foul) but thing is it sounds like she isn't and is looking for an oppurtunity to drop his bum a@@.

    Take your time and give it to her... If it doesn't work out at least you get some good memories and maybe l@id out of it.

    Go for it. This isn't a married woman. Dating is just that.

    Man up boyo. Man up and make your life what you want it to be rather than sitting on some game forum whining with high school puberty sounding angst over something as simple as dating a cute girl. You're 19.

    THANK YOU!

    Could not have put it better myself.

  2. #47
    Ascendant Zoid's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Sweden, Gothenburg
    Posts
    1,090

    Default

    Tell him that you is her friend and if he does'nt like it you can tell him to **** off and stop being a immature kid and accept that you and her is only friends. If he start to cry it's a good sign and he probably know that he is doing somethign wrong.

    This is what i would have done. I would also tell the friends that you know all about it and tell them they can stop hating.
    http://forums.riftgame.com/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=92262&dateline=134088  9999

  3. #48
    Plane Touched
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    292

    Default

    Here's my advice, Sap:

    I don't think any of you are handling this situation well.

    You shouldn't be interfering with Nick's relationship, regardless of how he treats her, unhappy she is, etc. That's between her and Nick. Does he physically abuse her? Does he cheat on her? If the answer to both of those is no, then you have absolutely no right to put yourself in the position of the knight in shining armor.

    If Courtney is so unhappy, she shouldn't be in a relationship with Nick. If she's actually looking to you for attention, praise, etc while in a relationship, she's being manipulative. She clearly isn't concerned that she could potentially ruin your friendship and do irreparable damage. She's also not concerned that the mature way to handle this situation is break it off with Nick and once she's recovered - not rebounding - explore the possibilities with you. Granted Nick might not be ok with that down the road but cross that bridge when you come to it as it's a hell of a lot better than your current dilemma.

    Also - you're deluding yourself a bit here. Let me guess - you've got a certain romantic notion about this whole thing. On occasion you gush over her attention towards you despite her involvement with Nick. It feels good to be the savior right? To be the guy that she wish she could have? Yeah, well let go of that dude because no good will come from this.

    So what do I suggest you do? Very simple. You set boundaries with Courtney. Every time she gets cute or flirtatious you remind her she's your friend's girlfriend and that it's inappropriate. If she pursues it, then she sucks. And you are obligated to tell Nick she's been coming onto you. Sound like betrayal? Nah dude, it's about being an adult. If you want to be the better man handle this like one.

    I don't mean to be harsh but that's my honest advice. Nick might be an insecure ***** when it comes to relationships but that's really not your concern. At least, it shouldn't be. Don't try to save Courtney. She needs to save herself and get what she really wants. If after she escapes this supposedly awful relationship, and that happens to be wanting you, then great. If not, at least you handled it intelligently.

    Don't be a hero.

  4. #49
    Sap
    Sap is offline

    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    0

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Seefer View Post
    Ok here's the deal, don't listen to the insecure kid who said no guy should hang out with his girlfriend, that is so immature and shows his insecurities, if he can't keep his woman happy enough that she would wander away that's his deal not yours. As for your situation, trust me man, been there.....and to be honest with you keep it friends, I made the mistake of dating a female friend of mine that I thought I really really wanted to be with but it turned out we were just that great of friends that we could turn to each other when we needed each other no matter what, and if your friend has an issue with it then he doesn't love her or like you as much as you guys think because he is acting like an insecure child.
    I know the guy you are talking about and I thought the same thing. I literally laughed when I read it. I figure only time will tell if she actually likes me more than just friends, because I really do like to just spend time with her. Sexually or not she's just a great person and it kills me that Nick thinks I'm just there to try to get in her pants. He's probably insecure, sure, but who isn't? I can't blame him for acting foolishly, but not trying to fix the problem on his part, (ie. talk to me about her spending time to not do it as much or something, but he has said indirectly that she actually doesn't like like me (what does he know anyways)) instead of just destroying my character to my back.

    Quote Originally Posted by MagicPie View Post
    lol n1ce post...

    posting that on a board full of horny nerds, gj son.
    It's actually interesting to read other peoples takes on problems like these. I'm not all that experienced my self nor do I really have anyone in my life that I can really go tell this too (lack of a role model I suppose) and get a down to earth answer. Yeah some of the responses are ridiculous, but I'm really trying to get all ground covered. Some of the people have had experience like this themselves, and even if I don't take everything to heart, it's nice to actually understand things. I'm a perfectionist and proud of it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ace View Post
    OP... Stop being such a wuss.

    Your boy Nick has some confidence issues and you're the target. If you're afraid he can beat you up then buy some pepper spray. Just remember to shoot it with the wind instead of against and that in case of accident raw liquid dish detergent (ie without water) applied to the area affected will break it down and remove it from skin. Just let it set a minute.

    Immature little Nick needs somebody to grow him up. F' him.

    These "friends" are people you'll not see again in a few years. You got to pick the people you want as part of your long term life. Do you want to be sitting there when you're 80 about to die and wondering what would have happened if you went out with her. Cause it sure sounds like you dig this chick.

    If she is into that other boy she'll tell you no at the right point (no harm nor foul) but thing is it sounds like she isn't and is looking for an oppurtunity to drop his bum a@@.

    Take your time and give it to her... If it doesn't work out at least you get some good memories and maybe l@id out of it.

    Go for it. This isn't a married woman. Dating is just that. When a woman likes you she makes it clear enough that the other little boys will sit there and look at you jealously.

    Man up boyo. Man up and make your life what you want it to be rather than sitting on some game forum whining with high school puberty sounding angst over something as simple as dating a cute girl. You're 19.
    I'm not afraid of fighting him, he's much less stronger than I am and I'm certain the closest thing he ever got into a fight was in his imagination. Even though I don't plan on seeing Nick within the next few years, I still want to see my other friends. I don't know what will happen with every body, but I would like to stay in contact with them. I'm just going to wait it out for a little while longer, talk to Nick and see if he will be complacent, but I don't know what will happen within the next few months. I don't want to act on something that might not be there, although, I'm afraid if I tell her how I feel she'll just end up pushing me away. As far as 'manning up', I tend to respect people. Not to say that you're one who doesn't, but I want to wait it out, respect there space, and just let whatever happens, happens. I've waited this long, it's bound for Nick to screw up.
    I am Sap.
    S A P

  5. #50
    Sap
    Sap is offline

    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    0

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Homebrew View Post
    Here's my advice, Sap:

    I don't think any of you are handling this situation well.

    You shouldn't be interfering with Nick's relationship, regardless of how he treats her, unhappy she is, etc. That's between her and Nick. Does he physically abuse her? Does he cheat on her? If the answer to both of those is no, then you have absolutely no right to put yourself in the position of the knight in shining armor.

    If Courtney is so unhappy, she shouldn't be in a relationship with Nick. If she's actually looking to you for attention, praise, etc while in a relationship, she's being manipulative. She clearly isn't concerned that she could potentially ruin your friendship and do irreparable damage. She's also not concerned that the mature way to handle this situation is break it off with Nick and once she's recovered - not rebounding - explore the possibilities with you. Granted Nick might not be ok with that down the road but cross that bridge when you come to it as it's a hell of a lot better than your current dilemma.

    Also - you're deluding yourself a bit here. Let me guess - you've got a certain romantic notion about this whole thing. On occasion you gush over her attention towards you despite her involvement with Nick. It feels good to be the savior right? To be the guy that she wish she could have? Yeah, well let go of that dude because no good will come from this.

    So what do I suggest you do? Very simple. You set boundaries with Courtney. Every time she gets cute or flirtatious you remind her she's your friend's girlfriend and that it's inappropriate. If she pursues it, then she sucks. And you are obligated to tell Nick she's been coming onto you. Sound like betrayal? Nah dude, it's about being an adult. If you want to be the better man handle this like one.

    I don't mean to be harsh but that's my honest advice. Nick might be an insecure ***** when it comes to relationships but that's really not your concern. At least, it shouldn't be. Don't try to save Courtney. She needs to save herself and get what she really wants. If after she escapes this supposedly awful relationship, and that happens to be wanting you, then great. If not, at least you handled it intelligently.

    Don't be a hero.
    What do you think is interrupting with their relationship? Like next time she tells me stuff about him, tell her that it's really not my business? Because I know next time we're working she going too, and at least I wouldn't sound like a bad guy either way.

    I think she might know she is angering Nick and ruining our friendship. She once told everybody in our friend circle that I punched a guy a walleyball, which was a lie, and I remember reading a text from her saying that 'Nick is so jealous'. It throw up a red flag and I told everybody that she was just making a joke, yet they seemed kinda mad about how she would make an elaborate story about something like that.
    I am Sap.
    S A P

  6. #51
    Plane Touched
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    292

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sap View Post
    What do you think is interrupting with their relationship? Like next time she tells me stuff about him, tell her that it's really not my business? Because I know next time we're working she going too, and at least I wouldn't sound like a bad guy either way.

    I think she might know she is angering Nick and ruining our friendship. She once told everybody in our friend circle that I punched a guy a walleyball, which was a lie, and I remember reading a text from her saying that 'Nick is so jealous'. It throw up a red flag and I told everybody that she was just making a joke, yet they seemed kinda mad about how she would make an elaborate story about something like that.
    Yes. When she starts talking smack about your friend, or how he treats her in their relationship, you can say "Courtney I appreciate you sharing, but honestly that's my friend you're talking about. Maybe you guys could try to work it out without my involvement?"

    Like you said, that's not a bad guy. That's a good man. If she doesn't respect that, you should be concerned.

    The more you talk about her actions the more I don't like her. Sounds like she's enjoying manipulating this whole situation. Stay friends, if that, and keep it there. If you value your friendship with Nick, that's exactly what you'll do.
    Last edited by Homebrew; 02-07-2011 at 11:48 AM.

  7. #52
    Rift Chaser Seefer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    296

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Homebrew View Post
    Yes. When she starts talking smack about your friend, or how he treats her in their relationship, you can say "Courtney I appreciate you sharing, but honestly that's my friend you're talking about. Maybe you guys could try to work it out without my involvement?"

    Like you said, that's not a bad guy. That's a good man. If she doesn't respect that, you should be concerned.

    The more you talk about her actions the more I don't like her. Sounds like she's enjoying manipulating this whole situation. Stay friends, if that, and keep it there. If you value your friendship with Nick, that's exactly what you'll do.
    Why does he have to turn away from her? They are friends, and it appears better friends than him and the other guy because the guy is being a jerk to him, she needs someone to turn to so why not someone who knows him?

    oderint dum metuant: Let them hate so long as they fear.

    (\__/)
    (='.'=) This is Bunny. Put Bunny into your sig to help him
    (")_(") take over the world.

  8. #53
    Shadowlander
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    26

    Default K

    Sap,

    I think you are handling it the right way. You seem like you value their friendships and the fine line you are treading is the only way I can think of to keep both.

    Also, if you do ever want to be more than friends with Courtney, it's important for her to know that you don't try and swipe some guy's girl. She might think you would do that once you were in a relationship with her to someone else. The way you are handling it is the right way to do it.

    If you want to talk with Nick, be honest, but it might do you a world of good to preface any chat with YOUR approach to how you deal with women. Let him know (when he tells you about his treatment of her) that if you are in that situation you might handle it differently. Maybe give an example of how you have done it in a past relationship, leave Courtney OUT of this convo unless HE brings her up. Even then stick to your past and the way you have handled prior relationships.

    Sounds like the way things are going right now, it won't be long before Courtney makes a smart choice, and the breakup will happen on its own. When it does, Nick will see you as a supportive friend, not a relationship wrecker. Courtney will respect the way you handle your friend's emotions, and that you didn't try to intervene and steal his girl even if you had feelings.

    In the future this would help you out immensely if you are ever in a position to date this girl and care about her.

  9. #54
    Soulwalker
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    8

    Default Play your role.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sap View Post
    Hello OT.

    I'm a new poster here, and been an avid reader for a few days now and I was wondering if you wonderful people could shed some light on a something that's happening to me in my life.

    Over the past few months me and this girl, let me call her Courtney, have become rather good friends. I hang out with her with our friends on the weekends, and during the week I play walleyball ( it's indoor volleyball and it's great) on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She recently got me a job at where she works and I'll be even spending more time with her.

    Sounds great I know, the thing is, my friend, let's call him Nick, has been dating her numerous months as well. Nick doesn't treat Courtney very well sometimes, and she let's me know about it. Nick is an immature person about the fact that I've been spending time with her. I don't hit on her, I don't make any comments directed toward her unless she says something to me. We're just good friends. Unfortunately I know that he has a big problem with me doing this because he rants and raves about it to another friend of mine, and he tells me what he says. Nick doesn't act like anything is wrong when we're together, but when I leave the room it seems that he really puts a target on the back of my head.

    I know he has been inviting our friends to hang out with him and he even once told them to specifically not to invite me.

    My friend and I talked for awhile yesterday (he being drunk helped him tell me what everything actually was said) about the situation and it really started to make me reflect about it. My buddy was telling me that he wants to stay neutral because he still wants Nick as a friend but inadvertently told me I should try to make a move.

    I do like Courtney, but I would never make a pass on her and ruin what I have with her, Nick (even though he despises me already) and our small group of friends. I don't want to be a guy to ruin a group of friends and steal someones girlfriend. Apparently it's evident that she has been taking a 'liking' into me by us playing sports and soon to be working together.

    Given my situation, I don't know what to do. I've talked to a few people about it and they just all say that Nick is acting immature and needs to chill out. Which I would totally love, but he is nothing like that. I've never been good with girls and I have a lot of problems finding some that I actually like, but every time I do extend my self to someone else, I would get turned down or just strung along, which equally sucks in the end.

    I often think I'm friend zoned with her, because she tends to open up about everything that has happened to her, what is currently happen to her, and sometimes stuff is it immense detail. Other times I catch her looking at me. I look back at her for a second and then continue doing whatever I'm doing (usually walleyball) or sometimes I make a face or something like anyone would do if they're caught in a situation like that. She sends me mixed signals all the time, and we have some decent conversation about random things.

    I've thought about this a lot and in my head it never ends for the better. If I choose Courtney, I lose a Nick and a potential group of friends a long with him. If I don't act on anything then I will lose the potential 'what could of happened'. I've been that guy for the most of my life, always seeing an opportunity and never going for it for reasons like this.

    I guess I could put somethings into perspective for everyone. I'm 19 and I go to a Community college, and will be going to it next year as well. I'll be transferring from there after the winter 2012 semester to pursue a University where i will (most likely anyways) be living on campus. I do already have a job, but it's only seasonal so I do need the job that Courtney set up for me.

    I just want to know anyone's take on this.

    Thanks in advanced,
    Sap


    Edit* Just for those who would read this and not read the rest of the thread, I'm not going to make a move. I don't want to ruin my friendship's and will talk to Nick when about how I don't want to ever ruin anything he has with Courtney.
    Continue flirting and everything will come naturally. You may lose Nick as a close friend till he gets over it but it's bound to happen to him (from what you said) Don't force her to choose and nice guy wins (if only for a little while) a win is a win

  10. #55
    Plane Touched Humble's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    California
    Posts
    221

    Default

    My two cents on this...

    Nick sounds like an *** actually and is probably not worth the friendship despite what happens with Courtney. You might want to just toss that to the curb now before it just frustrates you. The group, well, if they continue to hang with you after that, even better buds. If not, oh well, not the end of the world. Find a group of friends that don't determine who you're supposed to be friends with.

    For Courtney, there are other fish in the sea. Would you really want to eventually date someone that was dating someone but giving you the signals at the same time? And with her boyfriend's friend nonetheless? That's just terrible. Not really trustworthy there. Honestly, it sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and therefore, best to just stick as friends.

    In the end, just do what you want. Make yourself happy and if Courtney or your friends don't like it, screw 'em.

  11. #56
    Plane Touched
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    292

    Default

    For Courtney, there are other fish in the sea. Would you really want to eventually date someone that was dating someone but giving you the signals at the same time? And with her boyfriend's friend nonetheless? That's just terrible. Not really trustworthy there. Honestly, it sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and therefore, best to just stick as friends.
    This is a large part of what I had mentioned above. Don't ignore the red flags. They're there already.
    Last edited by Homebrew; 02-07-2011 at 12:28 PM.

  12. #57
    Soulwalker
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    1

    Default

    Disregard females, acquire currency.

  13. #58
    Ace
    Ace is offline
    Rift Disciple Ace's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Rift X
    Posts
    151

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sap View Post
    I'm not afraid of fighting him, he's much less stronger than I am and I'm certain the closest thing he ever got into a fight was in his imagination. Even though I don't plan on seeing Nick within the next few years, I still want to see my other friends. I don't know what will happen with every body, but I would like to stay in contact with them. I'm just going to wait it out for a little while longer, talk to Nick and see if he will be complacent, but I don't know what will happen within the next few months. I don't want to act on something that might not be there, although, I'm afraid if I tell her how I feel she'll just end up pushing me away. As far as 'manning up', I tend to respect people. Not to say that you're one who doesn't, but I want to wait it out, respect there space, and just let whatever happens, happens. I've waited this long, it's bound for Nick to screw up.
    Tell her how you feel? Huh? What, you want to write her a wuv letter? LOL! No! You show her how you feel in what you actually do day to day. As to talking to Nick, he is going to hate you no matter what is ever siad or ever happens as you are an easier target than himself.

    If you know how you feel about her then go for it. If you are too anxious to do so then stop the puppy pining as of today, put some distance between you and her, and move on to someone else. No waffling.

    And what's this about "respecting" Nick and their space. "You don't."

    You just made it an issue for public discourse on a game forum and from the comments you have made about him it is clear there is little respect for him in your view. You're working with her day to day knowing there be spring sap rising in the stem as she blatantly tells you she doesn't really like him.

    If you already know you want to wait it out why ask us? Are you looking for a "socially acceptable" excuse not to or just someone to make you feel better about it? Pfft...

  14. #59
    Rift Disciple
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    122

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by dinhosaur View Post
    On a side note if you are really good friends with courtney there is no reason you can't be open about it with her and discuss it like adults... let her know that you are interested but that if she isn't you are still there as a friend...
    WAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY wrong answer. Women are attracted to confidence. If you don’t have that, well then you will never zone out of “Friendship”. If you “open up” and spill your guts then she is going to see you as just another GF. Buddy, you don't need that.

    You need to live your life the way you want to live it, walk with your shoulders back and head high. Given time you will attract the right type of woman. Above all, act with honor. Never steal what belongs to another person. If he is that big of a loser eventually she will bail. Why? Cuz big ego is just another way of saying “I have no confidence!”

  15. #60
    Telaran
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    85

    Default

    an mmo forum is like the worst place to ask about relationship advice like this

+ Reply to Thread
Page 4 of 7 FirstFirst 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts