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Thread: The 10 Weird Staples of Every Fantasy MMO

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    Ascendant Maeloda's Avatar
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    Default The 10 Weird Staples of Every Fantasy MMO


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    Sword of Telara Sylvrin's Avatar
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    A quote from Rollins comment:

    2) It's the Inverse Protection Law of Female Armor: if you are female, the more you reveal yourself, the less susceptible you are to damage.

    I laughed at that so hard! So far I'm pretty happy with the armor I've seen for ladies in Rift, it appears to be at least somewhat protective.
    Those who guard nature, guard life itself. Those who defile nature bring death and destruction upon us all.

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    Prophet of Telara Mercury's Avatar
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    AHEM pointless battlegrounds and arenas AHEM

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    Champion of Telara g0kuenuan's Avatar
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    AHEM no game with more than 2 active players is perfect
    http://forums.riftgame.com/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1282&dateline=1279040  725

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    Ascendant Slyde's Avatar
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    Good stuff, they are right about all 10 !

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    Shield of Telara
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    Farmer NPC's with an endless supply of magic weapons, trinkets and armour. Dude, give up farming, you clearly have the means to live quite comfortably.

    The toughest mobs are the ones that live inside the palace. The weakest ones are the guys at the gate and surrounding areas. Beef up your security, guys. Those orc pawns aren't cutting the mustard, and consequently we're in your palace, stealing your loots.

    Thou shalt fall a looooong way and only graze a knee.

    A necklace has.... armour. Yep.

    Helmets can hide.

    You can carry 6 ginormous bags, with 15 complete sets of armour, and weapons galore, with nary a slow in your step. Additionally, it all hides, just like your helmet. Thats magic!

    Every MMO has Rouges according to the respective communities, yet I can't find it on the class selection screen. What gives? Are they under the helmets?

    Everyone playing a Bard has a musically-inspired name. I think its the law or something. Take a bow, Stringywhistle Fluteydrum.

    PvP guilds have scarey names. Again, law. Evil Abounds, Deathgurgle, Dark Disciples of Destruction and Woe, and Gimmeacuddle.

    Prep in the next room. The dragon can see you, he knows you're there (and he'll occasionally moan about your presence), but he'll let you prep. He's cool like that. He'll also think the biggest threat to his existance is the 2ft gnome with the best smack talk.

    ok i'm spent

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    Rift Chaser Arielle's Avatar
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    10. Dearth of Kids

    Yep. It's FANTASY. If we wanted kids, we'd stay logged out and take them to the park, or otherwise let them out of the laundryroom by taking down the baby gate.

    P.S. I was explaining the Mistmoore Inner Sanctum raid (back when it was end game) In EQ2 to my sister telling her it was really hard and that we were dying a lot, and that maybe a personal injury lawsuit against Mayong was in order.

    She's a lawyer and said: "OK, let me get this straight. You are basically breaking and entering into this guy's house, killing his servants and pets, doing immense property damage and when you get to him and he kills you, you want to SUE?"

    What else can you reply: "..but...he's evil!.."
    Last edited by Arielle; 11-05-2010 at 11:23 AM.

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    Ascendant Maeloda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arielle View Post
    10. Dearth of Kids

    Yep. It's FANTASY. If we wanted kids, we'd stay logged out and take them to the park, or otherwise let them out of the laundryroom by taking down the baby gate.

    P.S. I was explaining the Mistmoore Inner Sanctum raid (back when it was end game) In EQ2 to my sister telling her it was really hard and that we were dying a lot, and that maybe a personal injury lawsuit against Mayong was in order.

    She's a lawyer and said: "OK, let me get this straight. You are basically breaking and entering into this guy's house, killing his servants and pets, doing immense property damage and when you get to him and he kills you, you want to SUE?"

    What else can you reply: "..but...he's evil!.."
    Sorry, but in fantasy, I want a some realism to base the fantasy on. Otherwise we have the Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus.

    Your PS assumes there is a legal system in place in the EQ2 world in order for people TO sue. So... not really an issue.

    But we can't assume that in Telara, there are no children. This is an issue I have. Heck, you don't want children deaths? Have them flee and disappear when there is an attack. Sadly (for me), I think Trion may take the 'Children of Men' route like so many MMOs, and just ignore the fact that living beings, even fictional fantasy beings, have children and raise them in various ways.

    I hope I'm wrong.

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    Rift Chaser Arielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maeloda View Post
    Sorry, but in fantasy, I want a some realism to base the fantasy on. Otherwise we have the Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus.

    Your PS assumes there is a legal system in place in the EQ2 world in order for people TO sue. So... not really an issue.

    But we can't assume that in Telara, there are no children. This is an issue I have. Heck, you don't want children deaths? Have them flee and disappear when there is an attack. Sadly (for me), I think Trion may take the 'Children of Men' route like so many MMOs, and just ignore the fact that living beings, even fictional fantasy beings, have children and raise them in various ways.

    I hope I'm wrong.
    Sorry you missed my /sarcasm

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    Ascendant Maeloda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arielle View Post
    Sorry you missed my /sarcasm
    Noooo!!! My sarcasm-sense is usually as good as my gaydar. I feel like an utter failure now!

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    Champion Bellatrix's Avatar
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    I now find myself desperately wishing for a Tungsten mage.

    “They say you are to be the greatest hero in a past I’ll never know. Learn this, and it shall be so:
    Let the only fear you ever know be the fear you inspire in your foes.
    If you can do that in your heart, glory will follow you.”

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    Rift Chaser Arielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maeloda View Post
    Noooo!!! My sarcasm-sense is usually as good as my gaydar. I feel like an utter failure now!
    /em gives you a /hug

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    Rift Chaser Arielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bellatrix View Post
    I now find myself desperately wishing for a Tungsten mage.
    Stormlight - like Brandon Sanderson's Way of Kings guy.

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    Ascendant Maeloda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arielle View Post
    /em gives you a /hug
    That was sarcasm!


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    Rift Master Sinistrad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maeloda View Post
    Noooo!!! My sarcasm-sense is usually as good as my gaydar. I feel like an utter failure now!
    Lawl!

    Anyway,

    1) I've always been infinitely grateful for the utter lack of a sense of smell in MMOs. What would playing a Necromancer be like? When's the last time that Paladin could part with his beloved armor long enough to give it a good hose-down? And, for God's sake, what the hell are they feeding those gnomes?

    2) Does anyone else consider how disturbing it must be to have a 1,000lb horse suddenly, and violently appear between your legs? I mean, I know thousands of people use those magic whistles every day, but if it malfunctions and is off by even a tiny bit... Maybe they'd at least offer a free gender change token afterward? I think I'll walk.

    3)I understand that, sometimes, when you splatter a poor boar with some huge fire spell, or when you get carried away and puree a hapless hyena with your daggers, that some of their more delicate bits might be a little worse for wear. But, what the hell; I don't know how many tailless boars and paw-less canines I've slaughtered over the years. It just makes no sense. Yet, a skeleton I kill with fire somehow has somewhere to safely hide a ****ing note.... MADE OF PARCHMENT? Right...

    4) Did you know that all adventurers are accomplished gymnasts? How else could they all jump around, sailing through the air several feet up, bouncing endlessly, without ever once growing tired? I can barely breathe after hopping up and down ten times, let alone fight anything afterward.

    5) In PvP areas, there are always huge ballista, towering walls with flowing banners under the golden sun, epic, impregnable fortresses... with the doors sitting wide open while people sneak in and murder each other? Has ANYONE ever thought of just dropping the portcullis and heating the oil?

    6) I've still yet to see player housing with a proper bathroom. Where does it all go? Is it the same place horses come from? Again, I'm SO glad I can't smell anything.

    7) Everyone is always so insistent that their quest is of the utmost importance. I don't know how many times some Chicken-little would try to impress upon me the gravity, and time-sensitivity of their task. Yet, I sometimes lounge around for weeks, doing other stuff, and when I get back, nothing's changed. The world has not ended; the evil dragon has not eaten the princess. What a bunch of drama queens. Give me another ale. I'll get to your errand when I get to it.

    8) What is with all the people camping in the middle of the city. Seriously, folks? Main Street is not an OK place for you to pitch your tent. Find an inn or go camp in the woods with the dandelion-sniffing Elves.

    9) Speaking of the city. I am a little worried about the shopkeepers. I've heard of workaholics, but I think the butcher's been awake for over a month now. He seems kind of twitchy, and I don't like the way he's holding that cleaver and eying customers. On second thought, maybe I'll have a salad today...

    10) Finally, what kind of screwed up magical disaster caused all these stark differences I see in the landscape? I am in one area, and it's a luscious, tropical jungle, and 5 minutes and not even 1 mile later, suddenly I am walking on a frozen lake and running away from rabid yeti. Please, someone find the drunken mage causing meteorological mayhem and put a stop to him before my toes fall off. Thanks.
    Last edited by Sinistrad; 11-06-2010 at 01:04 AM.

    "That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange aeons even death may die."
    --H.P. Lovecraft

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