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Thread: April Fools' Patch Notes

  1. #1
    RIFT Guide Writer Muspel's Avatar
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    Default April Fools' Patch Notes

    Patch 4.1 Nightmare Tie-Dye

    General
    • Patrons now have 30% increased keyboard turning speed.

    Zones
    • Shi-Ming has been released! Players can reach this new area by

    Server-Specific Mechanics
    New mechanics have been added to raids when on specific servers!
    • Deepwood - Treants will spawn occasionally throughout the raid and root your members deep into the ground.
    • Faeblight - RP walk is enabled and mandatory.
    • Hailol - Everything will turn pink to make it FABULOUS.
    • Wolfsbane - Hylas will spawn wolves throughout your raid encounter to challenge you.
    • Greybriar - All textures are removed to give the "grey" effect.
    • Laethys - Tail lances will now randomly spawn under raid members.
    • Seastone - All Guardians and Defiants will now be hostile towards each other
    • Tulan - Your keybinds and ability buttons no longer function. Instead, you must type /cast commands into the chat window.
    • Biofoundry - You must play Conquest for the duration of your raid time.

    PvP & Warfronts
    • New Conquest Map: Faen’s Retreat. Come battle 100v100v100 in the smallest Conquest map yet. To score, players must place dimension items in their base.
    • Abilities in PvP now deal extra damage when activated via mouseclick. This damage boost scales directly with the force of the click.
    Conquest: Stillmoor
    • Players now have to emote to extractors to woo them to cap.
    • Extractors now attack all non-warlords within a 50 meter radius.
    • All extractors removed except for Eye of Regulos.
    Rifts
    • A new DDR DRR has been added. Enjoy a 20-man dance-off.
    • Using /sleep while standing in a Nightmare Rift now kills you instantly. It’s not a good place to doze off.

    Dungeons and Raids
    • The Yrlwalach’s name is no longer spelled phonetically.

    Minions
    • Dimension item chests from minion missions now contain three times as many items.

    Crafting and Professions
    • Dimension items can now be salvaged for Dream Ribbons.
    • Dimension items can no longer be salvaged for Dream Ribbons.
    • Dimension items can now be salvaged for other dimension items.
    • Runecrafters can now create runes for Wardrobe items that add Focus.

    Class Changes
    • Energy, Power, and Mana have been removed. Abilities now cost Conquest Power instead.

    Cleric
    Druid
    • Druid abilities no longer deal any damage to animal NPCs and pets.
    Inquisitor
    • Nysyr’s Rebuke now deals 0% less damage.
    Warden
    • Players under the effect of any Warden heal over time abilities are now considered to be underwater, and will drown when their breath meter runs out.
    Mage
    Archon
    • Archon has been renamed to Arcon.
    • All Arcon abilities apply a stack of Arc to party and raid members.
    Chloromancer
    • Lifegiving Veil and Lifebound Veil can now heal other mages with Veils.
    • Lifegiving Veil and Lifebound Veil can no longer heal other mages with Veils.
    • Lifegiving Veil and Lifebound Veil have been consolidated into a single ability, Wedding Veil. This ability is only functional in wedding instances.
    • All Veils have been removed from the game.
    Dominator
    • Mass Betrayal now causes all affected targets to permanently switch to the other faction.
    Primalist
    [REDACTED]

    Rogue
    Bard
    • Motif of Encouragement now deals 40% less damage in PvP.
    Bladedancer
    • Bladedancer abilities can no longer be used unless there is a Bard in the group, providing music to dance to.
    • Dancing Steel has been renamed to Disco Inferno. It now deals fire damage and has a new animation to match the name.
    • Binary Strike has been renamed to 01000010011010010110111001100001 01110010011110010010000001010011011101000111001001 1010010110101101100101.
    Marksman
    • The cooldown on Fan Out has been reduced.

    Warrior
    Beastmaster
    • Beastmaster pets can no longer attack Rangers, Druids, or other Beastmasters.
    • Beastmaster is now a DPS soul.
    • Beastmaster is now a support soul again.
    • Beastmaster has been removed from the game.
    • Beastmaster has been re-added as a PvP melee ranged non-physical DPS healing tank support dimension-focused role-playing soul.
    • Beastmaster has been replaced by Vindicator.
    Liberator
    • Medical Facility awaits you.
    Riftblade
    • Fork has been replaced by Spoon. While toggled on, your Spears no longer deal damage, but instead provide you with a food buff.
    Warlord
    • No Permission to Die has been replaced with Permission to Die. Unless Warlords apply this toggled buff to themselves, they cannot die. Can only be cast when Gotham is ashes.
    • Killing Field now matches its name better. It kills everything it hits, and the radius has been increased to 200m. For balance reasons, the cooldown has been increased by two seconds.
    • Everything is a Weapon now allows you to equip any item in the game in your weapon slots.
    Thanks to everyone who helped to compile these. Y'all know who you are.
    Last edited by Muspel; 03-31-2015 at 11:00 PM.

  2. #2
    RIFT Guide Writer RoughRaptorsOld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muspel View Post
    Y'all know who you are.
    Do we now? Do we?! :-P

    10/10, spent a lot of time making these, glad to see it posted somewhere. That was what, like 9 or 10 months in the making of continuous additions/removals?
    Last edited by RoughRaptorsOld; 03-31-2015 at 11:24 PM.

  3. #3
    Shadowlander Tamashiiken's Avatar
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    I don't know what half of these things are, being a noob and whatnot, but what i did understand i found very funny. +1. Gives beans.
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    RIFT Community Ambassador Slipmat's Avatar
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    In b4 somebody actually makes a whine post based on these patch notes

    Good job on them

  5. #5
    Ascendant Artewig's Avatar
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    This is amazing! Props to all those that made this!
    Quote Originally Posted by TrionBrasse
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  6. #6
    Rift Disciple
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    That Bladedancer section...

    Thanks for the laughs.
    Eilani, Onik, Seawitch Officer in <Nordvegr> of Faeblight twitch.tv/seawitchgaming

  7. #7
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    Had to log in to like this. Thanks for this, it gave me some good laughs.

  8. #8
    Soulwalker
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    Great
    Personally the changes for Warlord are very special, cant wait to try it out on live ...

  9. #9
    RIFT Guide Writer Muspel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoughRaptors View Post
    10/10, spent a lot of time making these, glad to see it posted somewhere. That was what, like 9 or 10 months in the making of continuous additions/removals?
    Something like that, yeah. I think that Primal came up with some of them, to give an idea of how long they've been percolating.
    Last edited by Muspel; 03-31-2015 at 11:48 PM.

  10. #10
    Ascendant Sedvick's Avatar
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    Needs more Arc stat buffs.

  11. #11
    Ascendant Artewig's Avatar
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    I'm surprised there were no reaver changes. Guess people would complain about the fake reaver changes.
    Quote Originally Posted by TrionBrasse
    We are absolutely a service industry and you're only as good as your last contact with the customer.

  12. #12
    Ascendant Solaxys's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Artewig View Post
    I'm surprised there were no reaver changes. Guess people would complain about the fake reaver changes.
    Just in...
    A scientist from the TMA (Telaran Medical Association) has stolen top-secret research data and leaked it to their arch-nemeses, the Reavers R Us.
    This stealth organization has now started their own rogue division: the Vaccinators.
    These Ascended have no medical skills, no they can't even perform casual treatment. However, they spread Viral Infection in the name of vaccines accentuating the damage done by Reavers.

    REAVER
    • Viral Stream now does 1000% more damage on targets affected by Viral Infection
    • If targets with Viral Infection are killed by the Reaver, then Plaguebringer spreads all Diseases and Infections (including Viral Infection) known to all targets in the warfront
    • For every "nerf Reaver" cry, Viral Infection magnifies the interaction above by two-fold

    PHYSICIAN
    • All abilities are removed except for Viral Infection and Life Insurance
    • Life Insurance cooldown reduced to 0
    • If Life Insurance is cast on a Reaver, they will turn immune to all damage, debuffs, and CC
    And how can I forget, no lore needed:

    PARAGON
    • Path of the Hurricane has been reinstated into the Paragon tree as a ranged follow-up attack
    • Aside from damage scaled to 65, it now automatically (as long as it is known) aggros everything within a 200m radius.
    Last edited by Solaxys; 04-01-2015 at 03:33 AM.

  13. #13
    Rift Chaser ShayolGhul88's Avatar
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    *Extractors now attack all non-warlords within a 50 meter radius

    me likey
    Pls respond

  14. #14
    Ascendant Samuraiko's Avatar
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    And I just inhaled hot chocolate up into my sinuses from laughing while reading these.

    Thank you for these, I needed the laugh.

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  15. #15
    RIFT Guide Writer Muspel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Artewig View Post
    I'm surprised there were no reaver changes. Guess people would complain about the fake reaver changes.
    Couldn't come up with anything funny enough for Reaver.

    There were actually a bunch of other fake patch notes that I got rid of, because they weren't all that funny, or were obscure/inside jokes.

    Also, the Shi-Ming patch note was originally Planetouched Wilds, but then it was announced that Planetouched Wilds was actually happening and I had to change it.
    Last edited by Muspel; 04-01-2015 at 08:30 AM.

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