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Thread: Epic Story time including Abom strats

  1. #1
    Plane Walker Jmarz's Avatar
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    Default Epic Story time including Abom strats

    Credit to Mordaxt@Faeblight for our Epic Crossevents storytime.

    X= your friendly neighborhood chloro . Y = world 1st cleric and chloro guide maker!


    It all started when our predictably heroic protagonist, Y, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling barely worried, Y grabbed a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he realized that his beloved Abom Strat was missing! Immediately he called his bed-friend, X. Y had known X for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were exotic ones. X was unique. He was attractive though sometimes a little... selfish. Y called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

    X picked up to a very nervous Y. X calmly assured him that most legless puppies belch before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually earnestly panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Y. Why was X trying to distract Y? Because he had snuck out from Y's with the Abom Strat only two days prior. It was a striking little Abom Strat... how could he resist?

    It didn't take long before Y got back to the subject at hand: his Abom Strat. X yawned. Relunctantly, X invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Abom Strat. Y grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, X realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Abom Strat and he had to do it deftly. He figured that if Y took the noise-polluting import, he had take at least four minutes before Y would get there. But if he took the Porticulum? Then X would be really screwed.

    Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, X was interrupted by eight pestering Cogris that were lured by his Abom Strat. X grimaced; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he deftly reached for his carrot and aptly backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Porticulum rolling up. It was Y.

    ----o0o----

    As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a heroic leap, Y was out of the Porticulum and went explosively jaunting toward X's front door. Meanwhile inside, X was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Abom Strat into a box of wolverines and then slid the box behind his George Foreman grill. X was stunned but at least the Abom Strat was concealed. The doorbell rang.
    'Come in,' X surreptitiously purred. With a heroic push, Y opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some insensitive spite-toting jerk in a nappy, busted-out hatchback,' he lied. 'It's fine,' X assured him. Y took a seat alarmingly close to where X had hidden the Abom Strat. X yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurte d. But Y was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, X noticed a abrasive look on Y's face. Y slowly opened his mouth to speak.

    '...What's that smell?'

    X felt a stabbing pain in his armpit when Y asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Abom Strat right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Y's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Y nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before X could react, Y deftly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Abom Strat was plainly in view.

    Y stared at X for what what must've been two minutes. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, X groped exotically in Y's direction, clearly desperate. Y grabbed the Abom Strat and bolted for the door. It was locked. X let out a eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Y,' he rebuked. X always had been a little clueless, so Y knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before X did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at him or something. Happy as a frickin' monkey, he gripped his Abom Strat tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

    X looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Y. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Y. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. X walked over to the window and looked down. Y was gone.

    ----o0o----

    Just yonder, Y was struggling to make his way through the lemur-infested moor behind X's place. Y had severely hurt his scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Cogris suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Abom Strat. One by one they latched on to Y. Already weakened from his injury, Y yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Cogris running off with his Abom Strat.

    About eight hours later, Y awoke, his armpit throbbing. It was dark and Y did not know where he was. Deep in the arid disease-infested jungle, Y was scarcely lost. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he remembered that his Abom Strat was taken by the Cogris. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a enlarged Cogri emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha Cogri. Y opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Cogri sunk its teeth into Y's prostate. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Y's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

    Less than three miles away, X was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Abom Strat. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened gerbil. With a inept thrust, he buried it deeply into his scalp. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Y... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Abom Strat that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Cogris, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end.
    Last edited by Jmarz; 02-03-2014 at 10:53 PM.

  2. #2
    Ascendant
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    Never forget

  3. #3
    RIFT Guide Writer Deeew's Avatar
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    LOL

    Those that can, do. Those that can't, write guides on the forums.
    Quote Originally Posted by TrionBrasse View Post
    In all seriousness, we don't expect everyone to still be playing SFP

  4. #4
    Rift Chaser SelfTitled's Avatar
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    Hi everyone,

    I feel that this thread has degenerated into a non-constructive discussion, so I won't close it. Please remember to keep your comments respectful and constructive (or not) at all times on any forums, even when you disagree with others.

    If anyone has questions or concerns about this thread, please feel free to PM a member of the Community Team.

    Thank you!
    Defendor :: Mage :: Greybriar
    :: Trinity ::

  5. #5
    Plane Walker Extrasens0ry's Avatar
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    That was... interesting...


  6. #6
    Ascendant radiomaryja's Avatar
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    can i haz tl;dr version?

  7. #7
    Ascendant MoonfireSpam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by radiomaryja View Post
    can i haz tl;dr version?
    "wut?"

    ^ One word summary
    So long, and thanks for all the fish~

  8. #8
    Shield of Telara
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    this is worse than jopoks super raid thread

  9. #9
    Plane Touched Seonie's Avatar
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    that story in crossevents was the best thing I've seen!! Great story Mordaxt lol
    Vigil- Seonie

  10. #10
    Ascendant meph1111's Avatar
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    This is why I should never sleep

  11. #11
    Champion Yaarielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seonie View Post
    that story in crossevents was the best thing I've seen!! Great story Mordaxt lol
    There's something happening in crossevent? Wow!
    Yaarissime@Greybriar, lvl 65 cleric (taking a pause from the game)
    Chewgi@Greybriar, lvl 60 warrior
    Greanie@Hailol, lvl 60 rogue
    Youshallnotpass@Hailol, lvl 20 mage

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